TALKING TO MYSELF AGAIN!!!

By Cynthia McIntosh
Success With McIntosh

I think we all do it from time to time, whether we want to fess up to it or not.  We all talk to ourselves.  Maybe not.  I have no scientific evidence to back it up, but I think we all do it.  I’ll admit, I do.  In fact, I have some pretty great conversations with myself!  Me, Myself, and I have very philosophical discussions.  We plan my week together.  We cry on my shoulder together.  We vent to me.  I’m pretty easy to talk to. (The other “person” I talk to a lot is my dog, Strawberry – she’s easy to talk to, too.)

Ok, not before I’ve scared the heck out of you and you call someone with a white jacket to come and pick me up, I’d better get serious.

So, like I said earlier, I’d venture to guess that we all do talk to ourselves, even if it’s not outloud.  But here’s why I bring it up.  I find that I and others I’ve worked with tend to talk to ourselves in ways that are very distructive at times.  In fact, we really tend to kick ourselves when we’re down, and don’t even realize it!  Often we think things to ourselves and we don’t even pay attention to the fact that we are doing it – at least not consciously.  But subconsciously it effects us.  And if we are in the habit of talking negatively to ourselves counsciously, we will be doing it a lot more subconsciously when we aren’t aware that we are doing it.

Here’s an example:

I worked with a woman who was just the sweetest woman ever.  She was full of life, she loved people, and I really enjoyed working with her.  But she was going through some really tough times.  As we started digging into her situation, I noticed that she would say things like “I can’t believe I did that!  THAT was stupid!”, “I can be so stupid sometimes!’, “I wish I could be more like so-and-so!”, or “I sure need to get my act together!”.  And as I noticed these kinds of comments from her, I brought it up.  I asked her to start paying attention to how she talks to, and about, herself.  The next day she admitted to me that she not that she was paying attention to it, she found that she wakes up and immediately start telling herself how she didn’t look good, she was a terrible mother, she was lazy, and so on.  So we decided to work on her self-talk.

This client happened to have a very young son, who she of course loved very much.  So I asked her how she would handle it if she caught someone talking to her son in the manner that I heard her talking to herself.  How would she react if someone walked up to her son and said “I wish you were more like so-and-so”, “You really are never going to amount to anything!”, or “Can’t you do anything right?!”.  I could see on her face that this trigered a very negative reaction in her.  The thought of it really upset her.  She was horrified.  She told me that no one, but NO ONE, would get away with talking to her son that way!  When I asked her why not, her response was “Because it’s rude, insensitive, and hurtful!”  And as soon as she said that, you could see the lightbulb go on.  She knew where I was going with this.  She was right…it WAS rude, insensitive, and hurtful!  And yet she treated herself that way every day, all day!

Thankfully she started paying attention to this pattern, and started talking to herself.  When she caught herself talking negatively, she imagined her son, and started talking to herself the way she would want someone talking to her son.  She started showing herself love, compassion, and forgiveness.  And I can’t begin to tell you the difference I saw in her life, almost immediately!  The change was amazing, and exciting!

The irony of it is that everyone around you can compliment you, but if you are in the habit of being hard on yourself, those compliments won’t stick.  If someone tells you you just came up with a brilliant idea, you will immediately think to yourself “Right.  Sure.  Anyone else would have come up with the same thing!”.  If someone told you that you looked beautiful, you would negate it by telling yourself how wrong that person was.  Yoi won’t hear the compliments.  BUT the minute someone said something negative or uncomplimentary, you will jump on it and take it as gospel…it will confirm that everything you’ve been saying to yourself is true.  It truly is important to pay attention to how you talk to yourself and what you think of yourself.  You are special, you have a unique sets of talents and gifts, and you have a purpose on this earth.  You are here for a reason, and you are loved.  There ARE people in your life, or who will be in your life, who love you and need you.  But if you are constantly cutting yourself down, insulting yourself, and condemning yourself, you will never reach your potential.

So go celebrate who you are!  Celebrate your successes!  Congratulate yourself on your achievements!  Encourage and support yourself through the tough times.  Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished and forgive yourself for your mistakes and wrong doings along the way.  Take your failures as a learning experience, and be sure that you turn them into a powerful part of your success story!  You deserve it!

You ARE unique
You ARE special
You ARE amazing
You ARE loved
You have a purpose

Pay attention to how you talk to yourself this week.  Do you have a habit of negative self-talk?  If so, what are you going to do to break the habit?  How has learning to speak more positively to yourself and about yourself affected your life?  Please share your story, and if you know someone who could be helped by this blog, please share it with them!

To your success,
Cynthia McIntosh

If you need help creating a positive focus and vision for your life, we’d love to hear from you.  We are hear to help and would be thrilled to be a part of your success story.  Feel free to contact us, and we look forward to hearing from you!

©Success With McIntosh

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WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!

Written by Cynthia McIntosh
Success With McIntosh

We’ve all had times in our lives that we can look back on and wonder why things happened the way they did.  As I write this blog, many people in Texas are dealing with tragic losses.  Some of them have lost absolutely everything.  Some have even lost loved ones to the storm they named Harvey.  It is said that Harvey was a 1 in a 1000 year flood event.  That’s huge, no matter how you look at it!  And with it came devistation.  I honestly can’t imagine what the wonderful people of Texas are going through.  I’m sitting in my studio in sunny Southern California complaining about the triple-digit heat!  Not a drop of rain here, and we could use it!  Meanwhile Houston, Texas is under water.  And I think about our neighbors in Houston and what they are going through, and the heat doesn’t seem so bad!

I can look back over my life and see a lot of pain, disappointment, and regret.  But I can also honestly say that all of it has worked together to make me who I am today…it has made me strong; it has made me determined; it has made me focused; it has taught me to be very sensitive to the needs and feelings of others; it has taught me compassion.  It has given me an intense desire to help those around me.  It has taught me not only to love those around me, but to be able to accept love from them.  It has taught me humility.  And above all, it has taught me that if I focus on me and my problems, my problems look huge –  but when I focus on the needs of others and how I can help them, my problems tend to really diminish.

I pray for those in Texas who are dealing with such terrible devistation and feel like they have lost everything.  I pray for stength for every one of them.  I pray for courage.  I pray for comfort.  And I pray that God will bring people into their lives to help them and show them love.

God bless each and every one of them in a very special way.

My heart goes out to all of you.

And may we all treat each other with respect, consideration, love, and compassion.  Everyone has “stuff”, and we never know what the person we are talking to is going through.  Sometimes something as little as a smile, or a compliment, or a word of encouragement can change a person’s whole day, and sometimes even their life!  And the icing on the cake is that if you are thinking about others, it makes your life easier as well, because you aren’t so focused on your own problems.  Just sayin’.

So go out there and make a difference in someone’s life.  Being a positive influence in the lives of those around you is a big part of living a successful life, no matter what success means to you!

Cynthia McIntosh

©Success With McIntosh
http://www.successwithmcintosh.com

Tree or Tumbleweed?

Blog – 8/28/17small tumbleweed

Written by Cynthia McIntosh
Success With McIntosh

 

So, I asked a question this week. Did you see it? What did you think when you read it? Let me guess…

Was it, “HUH?!”?

Well, let me quickly explain the question, and then maybe it will make sense, and hopefully it might even get you thinking.

The question was, “Are you a tree, or a tumbleweed?”

So, a tumbleweed. Let’s start there. What is a tumbleweed? Well, it’s not much really. It’s a piece of “whatever”, that blows around wherever it happens to be blown, picking up more “whatever” that it passes along the way, until it eventually crashes into something…

tumbleweek

where it gets stuck.

Ever feel like a tumbleweed? I will admit, I have. I’d run around doing what had to be done, putting out fires, making everyone happy as much as I could (and failing miserably, I might add), controlled by whatever was going on around me, whatever people said or thought, how I felt, and basically being blown around wherever my circumstances sent me. And since circumstances, how I felt, how people felt, and priorities change with the direction of the wind, I was constantly feeling like I was just getting blown around and completely out of control.

A tree, on the other hand, has roots. Some deeper than others. I heard someone recently say that the Redwood trees grow to be hundreds of feet tall, but their roots only go down three feet! However, they go down three feet, then spread out and wrap themselves around the roots of the other trees around them. What happens then is that when big storms hit, they hit against the whole forest, not individual trees, so the trees are very strong – and remain unharmed. In fact, he went on to say that there are trees in the Redwood Forest that have been dead for years, but are still standing, because the other trees around them are holding them up!!! (I think there is a lesson in there somewhere for us as well. But I’ll save that for another blog.) Isn’t that fascinating?!

tree

My point though, is that a tree has roots. It digs deep into the ground. I live to become more like a tree and less like a tumbleweed. I want to have strong roots, a solid foundation, to know who I am, to stand strong on what I believe in, and to live life with conviction and passion. I want to be a tree that produces fruit for others, shelter, comfort, and beauty.

The thing about a tumbleweed is that it rolls around picking up more and more junk (negative things people say, bitterness, frustration, anger…) along the way, and becoming more and more dangerous to those in its path.

So now, what are you…
A tree, or a tumbleweed?
©SuccessWithMcIntosh
If you would like finding more stability and direction in your life, feel free to contact us. We would love to hear from you and help you create the life you are looking for. We would be honored to be a part of your success story! Just go to http://www.successwithmcintosh.com and contact us, or call us at 866-636-4696, and we look forward to talking to you about creating a blueprint for your desired future.

CRAZINESS!!!

Okay, I’ll go ahead and admit it…I’ve been out of touch!  BUT you’ll be thanking me here very soon!

Actually, it’s been a long six months….lots of good, exciting changes, and some not so good and exciting.  The not so good and exciting news is that it is with a very heavy heart and much sadness that I have to announce that I am no longer on Indie104.  At least not for the time being.  They are in the process of going through some changes of their own, and I’m not sure where it’s going to “land”.  I’m still involved with the Indie104 family, am helping to get things settled down, and hopefully someday soon I’ll be back on the air with them. Stay tuned, and I’ll keep you posted!

In the meantime, I have taken this opportunity to focus on the show on BBS Radio.  So you will see a lot of changes.  I’m getting some new staff on board, some new marketing experts, new guests (wait until you hear what we are doing on the show with guests!!!), a new format, and even a new co-host!  I’m so excited that I can’t wait to get started!  So you may have noticed some re-runs happening, and that is why.  But it will be well be worth it.  Once we are up and running as planned, I will have the wonderful opportunity of serving the music community in even more powerful and exciting ways, being able to meet more personally with each of you, and being more involved in your success.  So hang in there, thank you so much for your patience, and stay tuned!

Reach for the stars, never give up, and let me know if I can be part of your success!  God bless!

Cynthia McIntosh
Artist Development Specialist
Radio Talk Show Host
(866) 636-4696

“It’s a Crazy World Talk Show”
BBS Radio
http://www.bbsradio.com/itsacrazyworld
 
http://www.successwithmcintosh.com
cynthia@successwithmcintosh.com

The Hardest Word for Me to Say

yes-or-noYesterday was my day to meet with my coach.  It was my first day with this particular coach, and I wasn’t sure what to expect.  But she was great.  I’m looking forward to working with her.

The first thing she asked me was what I’d like to achieve over the next year.  That was easy.  I’m a list-making, double-checking, plan-creating, obsessively-organizing, detail-oriented human being if there ever was one. So I proudly told her that I have my one year and five year plans all written out and I know exactly what I want to achieve.  I rattled off what I want to accomplish this coming month, what I want to accomplish over the next six months, where I want to be at the end of 2017, and where I go after that.  “Great!”, she says.  “Sounds like you know exactly what you want to do!”

BUT THEN she asks me (coaches are known for asking questions that require one to
squirm…it’s what we do!) “What usually keeps you from achieving what you set out to do? What’s usually your biggest obstacle?”  GULP!!!  It was just as easy for me to come up with a quick answer to that question as it was to come up with one for the first – but not nearly as fun.  I explained that the biggest problem I have is that I love to help people.  That’s why I love my job.  I love making a difference in the lives of those I come in contact with. The downside to that is that I get wrapped up in helping everyone else, at my own expense.  I end up giving so much that I have nothing left for myself.  And I only stop when I have nothing else left to give…and that usually means I’m not in the place that my current plan intended me to be.  So my coach, of course, says “Well, ok.  Give an example.”  Unfortunately, that one was easy to answer as well, but also no fun.  At least five things came to mind that I have done over the past week that cost me big.  “Now mind you,” I tell her,  “I am glad I was able to do them, and to help my friends, but the problem is that now I am unable to do what I need to do in order to reach my own goals.  At least not right now. It just put me behind a few months.  At least I HOPE I get back on track!”  She was quiet for a moment, then asked me how long I’ve been doing this.  I told her that it’s my personality, and that I have been that way for as long as I can remember.  I enjoy nodoing for others.  And I feel really guilty if I have to say no.  I’ve been labeled a “mother hen”.  But I do it to the point that it takes up time I should be spending on myself or my business, and it takes up finances that should be used for other things.  I get so wrapped up at times with taking care of other peoples’ problems that it derails my own life.

Well, she’s my coach.  Doesn’t take a genius to figure out I have a weakness here!  It’s not like I don’t know it…just need a little help putting it into perspective and doing something healthy about it. That’s why I have a coach. But her response, for some reason, really seemed powerful.

Her response was this:

“If it’s happening to them, it’s intended for them.  The problem was intended for them, not you.”

It took a minute to sink in.  But the truth of the matter is that when I look back at my life, it’s true.  I look at my strengths, and I realize I developed them through my tough times.  I learned and grew through them.  And I’m glad I went through most of them.  So what she said had some very profound truth to it.  If I’m always saving people from discomfort or trouble, I inherit their problems, and deprive them of the opportunity to learn from their struggles.  Interesting.  Doesn’t make it any easier to say no, but it’s food for thought.

But here’s the deal.  I AM the kind of person that likes to help others.  That’s not a bad thing.  In fact, I like who I am.  However, we have many facets to our personalities, and all of them can be good or bad.  If I’m a quiet person, that can be good, unless I’m TOO quiet.  If I’m a strong person, that can be good or bad, depending on how I utilize that strength. This is no different.  It’s a wonderful personality trait, as long as I use it in a healthy way and use wisdom.  If not, it can continuously put me in tough positions.  It can effect many aspects of my life – my business, my time, my self esteem.  It can lead to bitterness and resentment.  It’s not healthy.  So, I need to practice saying “no”.  “No” is a complete sentence…that’s another pearl of wisdom my coach threw my way yesterday.

The bottom line is this:  Once my coach got me to look at my future and how my actions were affecting it, how my actions were keeping me from reaching my goals and making my visions become a reality, it has given me a whole new perspective on what I’m doing.  That doesn’t mean I will never help another person – far from it!  I love helping others.  That’s why I’m a coach.  But like everything else, I need to do it in a healthy way, and in a way that allows me to be successful so that I can help more peopleno-hand.

We all have weaknesses.  Saying “no” is mine.  Yours may be that you are afraid to admit you need help.  Or you are too shy.  It’s possible you don’t trust others easily.  Maybe you have a hard time keeping yourself from shopping.  What is yours?  Do you need help dealing with it?  If not,  what is your secret to overcoming it?  I’d love to hear your story!

Cynthia McIntosh
Success Coach – Highway 2 Success

Getting Through Storms in Life

We all have them.  And for many of us, when we are in the middle of them, they feel like they will never end.  We feel like they are going to drown us.  We feel like no one can ever understand what we are going through.  We isolate.  We lose sleep, or we sleep too much.  We don’t eat, or we eat too much.

the_sovereign_of_storms_by_procrust-d38gl3iWe all handle stress, frustration, and disappointment in different ways.  But how we handle it can make all the difference in the world on how we come out of the situation.  How we handle it often defines what the final outcome will be.  And how we handle it is a choice.  I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but I really believe that it is.  I feel very strongly about this.  Let me tell you why:

Today I live in a house that I really enjoy, with people I love being around, and I have a wonderfully fulfilling career.  I have the world’s greatest coach (in my opinion), and I look forward to my future..But I want to share with you that it definitely has not always been this way.  In fact, I have to humbly admit that I regret that I wasted so many years feeling defeated by life!

Life hasn’t always been easy for me.  It isn’t always easy for anyone.  I’ve dealt with family issues, rejection issues, financial issues, and even cancer issues.  And for years it DID leave me feeling defeated.  But I’ve learned through my challenges that how I chose to approach them has a huge impact on how each chapter of my life ends, who I become through the challenges, and whether the challenges end up being destructive or being a blessing.

You see, up until a few years ago, I had been an accountant.  I had spent the majority of my lifetime  making my living on a computer.  Then one day I woke up in the hospital. I was told that while I had gone into the hospital expecting to have minor surgery for skin cancer,they went to remove the cancer on the back of my hand and found that it was much more than they had anticipated.The cancer had already eaten away all the nerves, tendons, muscles, and even veins in my right hand –  and yes, I’m right-handed.  They had to take everything out.  To save my hand, they had to re-build it with muscles, tendons, and veins from my right arm, but I lost most of the use of my right hand and arm.  I do have to thank God that the doctors got to the cancer in time (within being a few days too late) to stop it from going into my bones in my hand – that would have been a game changer, and I wouldn’t be writing this to you today.

After surgery, cancer treatments, and physical therapy, I needed to make some changes.  I was not able to use a computer as I had before, and I was forced into a career change.  Thankfully, I have wonderfully supportive friends, because at the ripe old age of (?) I found myself looking for a whole new career that did not require the use of my right hand and that did not require that I go outdoors much (another result of cancer).

After much time, prayer and thought, my desire to help people succeed and my love for people led me to research and ultimately take on life coaching as my new career path. I studied coaching, and it has been an amazing transition.  I feel like I am doing what I was supposed to be doing all along.  I feel released to be what I’ve always wanted to be.  I’m loving life!

Life still has it’s challenges.  It always will.  But I’m grateful that I now spend my time making a difference in the lives of others by doing something I love – all because a really tough time in life forced me to leave my comfort zone and do something completely new.

I don’t spend a lot of time talking about life’s challenges.  grid9_Beautiful-Weather2  I prefer to focus on the things that I am grateful for.  But I know that some of you are going through struggles, and I hope that this story can be an encouragement to you.  If you or someone you know can benefit from this story, please share it – that’s what makes it worth while for me!

If you have a story you would like to share or if this article has touched your life in any way, please share it with us by commenting to this post.  We’d love to hear from you!

And don’t forget to surround yourself with positive people who will support you.  Being around positive, successful people is the first step to having a successful life of your own.

Cynthia McIntosh
Success Coach
Highway 2 Success